“Mom, you know how you told me some boys at school might act a little mean, but really, they likeyou? Well, I guess you’re right,” my daughter said after school yesterday, as she buckled her seat belt. Eying her from the rear-view mirror, I asked what happened.

 

“X isn’t always nice, but he is trying to impress me. He does cool things to make me fall in love with him. He doesn’t impress me though.” I couldn’t help but smile … and relate. Now being divorced, I’ve been out a few times, talked to different men. Though I have been impressed, I have also been completely unimpressed, like my seven year old daughter.

 

Curious, I asked what kind of “cool things” her classmate does to impress her. She scoffed and said they weren’t really that cool: he pretended a plastic baseball bat was some kind of weapon. “But I’m not into weapons, mom. Except swords. I’m pretty into swords.” (This was news.) Maybe if he had acted all ninja-y, he would’ve gained more favor; the young boy also attempted “rolling really fast and acting like a dog” which apparently didn’t do much for her either. She admitted his rolling skills were pretty good, but that she runs a lot faster than him (which seems to be cooler than rolling).

 

Essentially, she docked points for not being into swords and running fast. As adults, we do the same. The person trying to woo us may think they’re pretty clever to … oh … talk non-stop about how they’re an awesome scuba diver or skier when you would rather snorkel or stay warm drinking hot buttered rum next to a fireplace in the chalet.

 

Another classmate has a “BIG, BIG crush” on my charming daughter. This particular boy often has a red card. Not sure what a red card is? It’s a behavior thing they use at school. A green card means you’re behaving well. Yellow? Not so much. And red? You’re in big trouble and better sort your act out.

 

He’s a sweet boy and means well, but struggles paying attention. That became clear the first time I met him. He was jumping up and down, waving, while his mom held the collar of his jacket, and he screeched, “HI, F’s MOM! HI F’s MOM! HI F’s MOM! CanshecomeoverforaPLAYDATERIGHTNOW!?” His mom didn’t stop and kept dragging him to the car. It didn’t faze him though. He rolled down the window, stuck his head out and yelled, “CANSHECOMEOVERTOMYHOUSENOW?! RIGHTNOW?!” She didn’t.

 

Though she swears the BIG, BIG crush is not reciprocated, she secretly admitted to my mother one day that she really did like Red Card Boy. When I questioned her about it, she quipped with, “Oh, that was just for one day. He didn’t have a red card. He stayed on yellow! The next day he was back on red. So my crush ended. I’m still nice to him, though.”

 

Good behavior goes a long way. Sometimes I wish I had colored flash cards to give out; it would make dating easier. To the guy who never asked me a single question, but only talked about himself, I’d slip him a red card and walk out with a kind bye-bye smile. To the guy who threw away my left-over Indian food before I could give it to a homeless person? A yellow card and a “warning” smile. (No. Scratch that. That’s a red card.)  And the man that keeps regular contact, makes effort to spend time (especially when he’s stressed and would rather go all man-cavey), says I’m beautiful and I know he means it? Oh. That man will get a gigantic green card and a super big Come-Hither-Happy-Becky smile. The effort is worth it.

 

There’s a lot we can learn from seven year olds. As my daughter said, “Just because someone has a big crush on you and tries to impress you, it doesn’t mean you have to like them back.” Amen, sister.