Love is a choice, he said. You decide to love someone and stick with it. It’s simple: Be loyal and commit. Make it work.
I get loyalty. I get commitment. Though it takes a long time to reel me in enough to capture mine, once I’m there … I’m there. I’m all in.
It’s a beautiful thing when a person keeps their promises and is faithful.
But I want more than that.
See, there’s a big difference between commitment/loyalty and devotion. You can be loyal and committed without being devoted.
You can even be loyal and committed to someone you’re not truly in love with.
Devotion, however, embodiesloyalty and commitment. It’s a high aspect of love. The part of love that allows you to surrender and dedicate yourself – your time, your energy, your trust, your body, your entire heart – to a person you cherish, adore, and favor above others. The person you’ve chosen.
You’re not bound by a promise. You’re bound by the attachment you feel that far surpasses any promise you’ve made. You’re bound by the reverence you feel for the personyou love … not only the commitment you made to them.
Your other is the cause, the thing, propelling you into an extraordinary mix of euphoria, ecstatic admiration, and adoration … in a way that is consistent. This is different from the first sparks of lust. This is lasting.
With devotion, you feel purpose and meaning – in some enchanted way – simply by being with your other. They challenge you. Shake the ground below you, and invite you to look at your world in a different way … all with the intent of reminding you who you really are. Because … they see you. The real you.
It looks something like this: You’ve gone to a party together and you’re in the same crowded room, standing far from one another, talking amongst your circle of friends. With eyes locked across the room, you know what the other is thinking, feeling. Not just from years of being together and the familiarity that comes with that. No. It’s something you shared when you first met and continue to have. The smile on their face shows pride, delight, honor, and a sense of awe. They hold you in esteem, knowing they’re fortunate to have your love. The smile says you belong to one another. You share a connection that binds you in a magical, healing way.
It looks like saying “Thank you” with sincere gratitude when your other opens the door for you.
It looks like showing up when it’s hard, and telling the truth, with love.
It looks like wanting to study them, to endlessly be their student, knowing we all change along the way.
It looks like talking about your partner when they’re not with you, with pride, for all that they bring to your life. How they support you and your dreams. How they are a good parent. How they remember to strip down all the roles we play in life and see you for who you are. How they encourage you to be stronger. Wiser.
It looks like talking about your partner with this pride and respect when others are bashing their partner. This is standing up for your soul mate. This is loving them. And it’s reminding others that this kind of love is truly out there.
It looks like having an impromptu lunch together just because you don’t want to wait until the end of the day to see them.
It looks like handing them their favorite drink and holding them, allowing them to be vulnerable after a rough day.
It looks like acknowledging – and accepting – all of your partner’s quirks, all their imperfections, while seeing into their hearts and knowing who they are.
It looks like laughing in delight when they reveal a part of themselves you know isn’t completely true to their nature, and love them for thinking you didn’t notice. It looks like affectionately saying, “You can’t fool me.”
Devotion includes passion, feeling mesmerized and enraptured by the person in front of you. Maybe these feelings don’t bubble up all the time … but more often than not … they do.
He said our ideas of love are different. He said that his are rooted in reality, not fairytales. He said he had never experienced love like that.
But I have. I have experienced many parts of this … not always delivered in the whole package I’d like. Still, I know what it feels like. I recognize it. And I know I can love like this when I’m connected deeply to another.
This love is real. It exists.
It’s not a fairytale.
It’s not just in the movies.
It’s called devotion.
And it’s something you practice. That’s the choice.
In a perfect world, right? This, what you have written, is very rare. And that's really sad.
I think there are stages of a relationship – whether you have that 'knowing all' connection or just familiarity – so many stages of our journey kind of warp into 'another relationship' if you will. I just wish some stages "stuck".
But that's why relationships and marriages require work, not just luck.
And yes, loving someone is definitely a choice. To love is an action – not just an emotion. I totally agree with that!
Awesome write up.